Into the Breach
by witchofnovember
Summary: Sam asks Josh to help him win the Presidency. Future Fic. Chapter 7 posted 5.18.05
1. On the Backs of Brothers

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is an AU/Future Fic that centers around, well in the beginning, Sam running for President. I've had it rolling around my head for a while and just now picked it up again to get started. I liked the premise, liked the idea and wanted to do something with it... feedback, as always, is appreciated!

xxxxxxx

Josh Lyman, in typical Josh Lyman fashion, gaped and arched his eyebrows before collapsing, rather awkwardly, behind the large desk in his office. Rather, the chair he was perching on its back legs wobbled then fell over with Josh still in residence.

From the other side of the desk, a soft male voice stated, in a matter of fact tone, "You know, when I pictured this scene in my head, _that_ was not the reaction I imagined. But C.J., now… C.J., when she heard I was coming up here today, pretty much nailed it. Do you realize you just put a hundred bucks in her pocket?"

Josh pulled himself up on the edge of his desk, resting his weight on his elbows and replied, "Gee, Sam, I'm really sorry about that. Now, could you repeat what you said a minute ago?"

Standing up, Josh reached down for the chair and righted it, looking around his cramped office at the same time. Two and a half years as a political pundit and college professor had done nothing to enhance his organizational abilities. As far as that was concerned, he was pretty much a worthless case. Sighing heavily, he sat down in his chair and looked over a stack of books at the man sitting in the visitor's chair.

Sam Seaborn returned the gaze of his best friend with a look that exhibited no amazement at the bizarre behaviour he had just witnessed. Falling out of a chair was one of the more subdued reactions that Josh could have given to Sam's anxious question. Years of laughter, friendship and heartache had made them brothers-in-arms under the gaze of the most powerful men in the country and there was virtually nothing the two hadn't experienced together. Nothing except this.

"I'm running for President and I want you to help me," Sam said evenly, looking his friend straight in the eye and throwing down the gauntlet.

xxx

After getting Matt Santos elected, and in the interim before the Inaugural, Josh had walked away from Washington. He had turned down Santos' offer of a position of Chief of Staff and had walked out the door, literally, and down the street to an apartment he had only visited a few times in the last year. Knocking on the door he received no response and speaking to a neighbor, he realized she was gone.

"When did she leave?"

"The moving boys came last week," Mrs. Silvasky said, gesturing with her hands, "She went back to Minnesota, Michigan, no... oh where is it she's from?"

"Wisconsin."

"That's it! She went back to Wisconsin. Said she was going to do something with books."

"Books?"

"That's what she said. I'm sorry you missed her."

Josh slumped slightly and shifted his backpack on his shoulder. The months of work and stress, elation and depression, suddenly made him feel like an old man. He had waited years for this very day and had banked everything on her opening that door when he knocked. It had never occurred to him that she wouldn't be behind the door or that she wouldn't even be in the city. But she wasn't there. Just like those months ago when she walked out of the White House, she was gone. Except this time, she didn't even tell him she was leaving.

"So am I."

xxx

A month later, Josh was installed in an office at the John F. Kennedy School of Government on the Harvard campus. He didn't mind teaching, really. The kids were interesting and wanted to learn and talking, after all, was one of his strong suits. He was popular with the students and faculty and traveled enough, with speaking engagements, that he didn't feel too tied down. He published, appeared on Sunday morning talk-shows, made an appearance every so often in Washington, when the DNC needed a fast-talker, and generally settled down into what he had often derisively referred to as the "private sector."

He had kept in touch with most of the old gang from the Bartlet administration. Abby and Jed (still "Mrs. Bartlet" and the "President" in his mind) had retired to the farm in New Hampshire. Josh had visited a few times, each time recognizing that Jed Bartlet's slow agonizing trip through the debilitation of multiple sclerosis was advancing despite everyone's best efforts. Abby guarded Jed's time like a lion at the gates of the emperor's palace. Only a select few got to sit down with Jed and Josh was honored to be included in that very small club.

Leo had retired as well, dividing his time between Mallory's home in Connecticut and his own winter home in Palm Springs. Never completely restored after his heart attack, Leo often could be found sitting with Jed on the porch of the farmhouse, reliving old memories of the campaign trail, or tense moments in the Oval. Josh tried hard to keep in touch, sending funny letters and post-cards from his travels and calling every Sunday night.

Once the most powerful woman in the country, C.J. Cregg had moved to Paris after the end of the Bartlet administration. Turning down the offer of an ambassadorship to France – something Matt Santos and Josh, both, had been certain she would accept – she left to become editor of the French edition of _Vogue_. Josh wondered if she had enough of the political life after her tenure as Chief of Staff or if personal reasons prevented her from involving herself in the Santos administration. A man named Marco was often photographed with her and Josh knew, from certain sources, that Marco had a less than reputable past. She was still graceful and elegant and wickedly witty, but the glow of innocence and idealism had long since left her by the time she crossed the Atlantic.

Toby Ziegler was teaching at his alma mater, New York University. He tortured students daily with writing assignments that would turn even a Pulitzer Prize winner into a weeping child, but every year, his classes would fill to capacity and students would fight over seats at his lectures. Molly and Huck were still in Washington with Andi who continued to serve her constituency in Maryland with grace and fiery steel. Toby shuttled down on weekends to spend time with his children and it seemed to be a satisfying arrangement for all parties involved.

The Junior Senator from California, Sam Seaborn was hot in Washington. During the first year of the Santos administration, he had married a doctor, Suzanna Mitchell, an OB/GYN at George Washington. The two had met at a DNC fundraiser and the sparks flew immediately. Suzanna reminded Josh of a young Abby Bartlet and he knew his friend would be in good, albeit somewhat fiesty, hands. In the spring of the previous year, the couple had welcomed their first child, Abigail Olivia Seaborn, and Josh stood proudly as his first godchild was baptized in the presence of her namesake.

Charlie Young graduated from Georgetown Law with honors. He and Zoey Bartlett continued to do their dance and each spring, Josh fully expected to see wedding invitation in the mail. Charlie had taken a position in the Santos White House after graduation and was proving to be quite a rising star in Washington politics.

Josh heard, though various people (mostly C.J.) that Donna was the editor for a small publishing house in Madison, Wisconsin. While she was very stingy with any discussion involving Donna, Josh knew that C.J. would tell him if anything important, like a marriage, was on the horizon. So far, the only news he had received was that Donna was happy and on the rise professionally. When he first got to Boston, he tracked down her number and picked up the phone to call at least once a day. Old habits, after all, do die hard. But when he got to the last number, he would hang up the phone and sit with his head in his hands, remembering the feeling of standing in the hallway outside her apartment and realizing that she had left him once again.

xxx

"Sam, old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine. Are you utterly and totally in-freaking-sane? You can't possibly be thinking of challenging the sitting President, who so happens to be of your party, for the Presidency. Even you can't be that crazy. Or that suicidal."

Sam looked back at his friend with a steady, even gaze that made Josh's stomach drop.

"Oh my God. You are that crazy."

"Santos isn't going to run for a second term."

"What?" Josh shook his head as if to clear his ears. "What did you just say?"

"I said, Santos isn't going to run for a second term."

Josh looked at his friend and realized that Sam was terribly serious and it dawned on him that something was amiss with the President.

"What's going on, Sam? Why isn't he running?"

The dark-haired Senator looked at his hands and cleared his throat. He felt like a vulture feeding on the bones of the not-yet-dead, but he knew that if he was going to take his chance, it had to be now.

"The First Lady is sick. They are going to finish out the term and go back to Texas with the kids."

"Helen's sick? What's wrong?" Josh had not kept in touch with the Santos family once they entered the White House. Never having felt as close to them as he had to the Bartlet's he sent the requisite holiday cards and announcements, but never felt comfortable in contacting them on a casual basis.

Sam made a triangle of his hands and rested the tips of his fingers against his chin in a gesture Josh found maddeningly familiar. When his friend couldn't bring himself to answer the question, Josh realized the nature of Helen Santos' illness and he felt nauseous.

"Oh no, Sam. Not that. They've got three small kids, for Christ's sake! She's only 37!"

The two men looked at one another in collective sadness. The situation had to be dire if the President was willing to walk away from the White House after only one term.

"It's not public knowledge yet, Josh. But I talked with him. He wants to be there for her and for the kids. They mean everything to him."

"You talked to him?"

"Yeah. He called me in last week."

"That's when he told you about this?"

"Yeah."

Silence fell again between the two men as they pondered the implications of what had just been disclosed. A high-polling President was leaving office after one term to be with his dying wife, foregoing a second term in office and leaving the Presidency up for grabs.

"So you want to run ?" Josh knew the answer before he even asked, but felt compelled to hear it out loud.

"I want to run." There was no mistaking the determination in Sam's eyes.

"And Suzanna? She knows what this means?"

Sam nodded, "She knows. Her father was a senator, her grandfather was a senator. It's not anything new for her."

"And C.J.? What did she have to say about all of this?"

Sam chuckled and waved his hand, "She wanted to know if my slogan was going to be 'Spanky for President – He's Our Man.' But she's in... if you are."

Josh leaned back in his chair, brought his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He thought his retirement from the campaign trail had been final. After all, he was inching up on fifty at a rather rapid pace and he had never taken very good care of himself. A campaign at this point in his life, particularly a Presidential campaign, would be the hardest he had ever undertaken. And given his history with candidates, that said quite a lot.

Opening his eyes, he looked at Sam and uttered one question.

"When do we start?"


	2. To a Convent, I Say

ATUHTOR'S NOTES: Hehehehehe. I've had this in my head all day and all last night and have several chapters planned ahead... I'm liking this story. New characters to create (a first for me) and new places to take our old friends.

Thanks to those who gave the start a good review and sorry for some of the typos... never have been terribly good at proof-reading.

Mad props to my friends **slimwhistler** and **outtabreath** and all the gang over on the fanfic pages of TWoP for those who don't know). The gang on the Gilmore Girls and WW pages are, without a doubt, some of the most supportive I have ever encountered.

**Barrie** – Feel free to make an icon... I'd love to know how, but it's a talent beyond my means...

And now, on with the show.

xxx

"So, Spanky, what's the plan?" C.J. looked over the edge of her wine glass at Sam, standing at the counter in the kitchen. Suzanna was busy at the island cutting tomatoes for the salad and silently glanced at her husband out from under her lashes.

Sam took a swig of his beer, pondered for a minute, and said, "We need to send him out there."

C.J.'s mouth dropped and she gasped, "What! I thought you said you wanted her to join the campaign, not the nearest convent. Do you really think if you sent him out there she'd have anything to do with this? Jesus Christ, Samuel, for a politician you're pretty fucking dense sometimes.

Sam looked up at her, with those incredibly intense eyes that most of the women in Washington found irresistible and replied, "It has to be him, C.J. Otherwise, when she gets here and finds out he's running the campaign, she'll turn around and go back home. I want her here. I want her as our face out in front of the press and he has to be the one to go get her. If they don't clear this shit up, they'll never be able to work together."

Sitting back in her chair at the small kitchen table, C.J. took another sip of wine and studied the man in front of her. The years had been kind to Sam Seaborn and marriage and a family had been even kinder. Always young for his years, Sam had matured into a man you would want to guide your country. His more fiery tendencies had been tempered by his experience on the Hill and his tenure as a father to a rather adorable, yet demanding infant. No grey tinged the dark hair and the blue eyes were as intense as ever.

"God, Sam, I don't know. I'm not sure it will work."

Suzanna, a newer member of this unique and golden group, stopped chopping the vegetables and looked at the two in front of her. "You know, no one has ever really explained to me what the hell happened with those two. Sam has tried, but it's never really been a coherent explanation..."

C.J. laughed and said, "This surprises you? You married the man!"

Suzanna smiled and replied, "Yes, this I know. But seriously, what happened?"

Sam and C.J. looked intently at each other over the tops of their drinks and were silent for a moment. Each was a confidant of one of the two parties involved and good friend to the other and the years of standing in between the two had been stressful and unhappy. But their personal loyalties had been drawn at the same time.

"He screwed her," was C.J.'s response.

"She left him," said Sam at the same time.

"Whoa! That's unfair!" "Hey, wait a minute!" The words came out quickly of both of them and overlapped in a furious defense of their friends.

Suzanna stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled to cut through the furious fight that had erupted in her kitchen, "Knock it off!"

C.J. and Sam suddenly went silent and looked at the floor like guilty children caught fighting over a cookie.

"I didn't ask who was wrong and who was at fault. I simply asked what happened. I know she worked for Russell and he worked for Santos and that it was a huge 'thing'."

Taking another sip of wine, C.J. took a deep breath. Where do you start telling a story that has its roots in an encounter in a campaign office eleven years ago?

"Sam told you about Gaza, right?"

Suzanna looked at her husband and said, "The CODEL, right? The one with the explosion?"

Sam nodded silently and drank from his beer.

"Well, when Donna got back from Germany, after, the thing, everything was different between them. She told me that he had been amazing when she was recovering... You know he flew over there to be with her? Well, when she got back it was the same old shit He was good old 'Josh' again. An insensitive prick. She got tired of it. She got tired of being held back, of being his hand-holder and sock washer and go-to girl, so she left."

"He was afraid, C.J." Sam said quietly, still studying his shoes. "He was terrified."

"Of what, Sam? Of losing a good assistant? Well he did a bang-up job of keeping her, didn't he? God. He's such an idiot sometimes."

"No. That's not it." Sam walked over and picked up one of the tomatoes that Suzanna had forgotten on the cutting board. "He nearly lost her, C.J. He couldn't bring himself to get any closer to her or to do anything because she nearly died and he thought it was his fault. He felt guilty and terrified and it just paralyzed him."

C.J. sat with her mouth open, "He told you this?"

"Yeah. He told me."

"Well, did he ever tell her?"

Sam shook his head, "She was gone and working for Russell before he knew what happened. After she left, things were so bad he couldn't talk to her. That's why he went to her apartment that day after the election. You heard about that, didn't you?"

She nodded sadly, knowing the devastation that had been on Josh's face when he told her Donna had returned to the Midwest.

"He meant to tell her that day. But she was gone."

Suzanna took a deep breath, "You mean they haven't spoken at all since?"

C.J. shook her head, "No. They're both incredibly stubborn, if you haven't noticed."

Sam chuckled quietly, "Jesus, that's an understatement."

"God, that's so sad." Suzanna scooped up the tomatoes and added them to the large salad bowl beside her, "Eleven years of being in love and never acting on it. I can't imagine."

C.J. and Sam looked at one another, each remembering the years of quiet devotion they had witnessed between Josh and Donna before fate played such a remarkably bad joke on both of them.

"When she went to Russell, it hurt," Sam offered.

"When he ignored her, it hurt," C.J. responded, "She tried, Sam. She tried time and time again to talk to him and he blew her off."

"Yeah, I know. Don't think he doesn't know it, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, C.J. He's not a total douche. He gets it. He just thinks it's too late to do anything about it." Sam replied angrily.

C.J. sighed, "I'm not sure he isn't right, Sam."

The three were quiet, each deep in thought. Suzanna quietly finished preparing the salad and went to check on the baby, who was waking up from a nap.

C.J. stood up and walked over to the counter to fill her wine glass. Sam, leaning up against the counter, finished his beer and set the empty bottle down with a heavy "clank".

"So... what are we going to do?" C.J. shoved the cork back down into the bottle and sighed heavily.

"He has to go, C.J. It can't be one of us." Sam was once again pondering his shoes.

"I know. I just don't know what she's going to do. She left because of what happened with Russell, you know... she felt... God, I don't know, I think she felt it was her fault. You know Donna."

Sam nodded, "Yeah. But if anyone can convince her it wasn't, it'll be Josh."

Smiling, C.J. nodded, "That's true. The man can be quite convincing."

"So, we'll send him out there. I'm serious, C.J. I want her handling the press for us. Anyone who can shout down a 6-foot chicken is our gal."

C.J. studied him for a moment and then burst into a gale of laughter. Sam smiled and then started laughing as well. When Suzanna returned to the kitchen with the baby, the two were laughing so hard tears were rolling down their cheeks.

"So, I guess things are good? There's a plan?" she said, putting the baby in a high chair.

"Things are good," Sam said, wiping his cheeks and reaching over to smooth down Abbie's fine baby hair. "Now. We have to decide what to do about Toby."

"Oh, don't worry about Toby," C.J. replied sitting back down in her chair and slowly crossing her legs, "I'll handle him."

"Well then," Sam said, reaching into the fridge for another beer, "Sounds like we've got ourselves a campaign."

C.J. snorted into her wine glass, "Yup. Watch out America. We're back."


	3. Chicken Man

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's something I have been just itching to get my hands on. I haven't handled it in my other novel (snort) but I'm going to damned well do it here.

For those of you who may know Madison, Wisconsin, I'll admit right now, I've never been there and don't know a goddamned thing about it. I apologize if I get anything wrong, but I'm pretty sure I've made things generic enough to cover my ass.

Also, let me know if this whole scene seems too shallow. No, not everything is going to be resolved... there are more chapters to come folks!

xxx

Donna Moss was angry. She had spilled coffee on her blouse on the way out of the house this morning and the last minute costume change had made her late for work. She rolled into the office breathless and frustrated knowing her morning was packed with appointments.

"Maddie, I'm so sorry I'm late! I spilled coffee on my blouse and had to change and traffic was awful this morning and the lot was full and I had to wait for the elevator and..."

Maddie Englewood smiled at her boss and laughed. The quick flow of words and never-ending sentences were part and parcel of working for Donna Moss and while it was often tiring, the young red-head was secretly devoted to her employer.

"It's ok, Donna. I covered everything here for you."

Donna sighed heavily and gave the young woman a grateful smile. "I don't know where I would be without you, Maddie. You are a lifesaver."

"You'd be here with a 25-year old male model handling the phones and bringing you coffee. I know you. You're just lucky I came with the job," the red-head joked, knowing secretly that her boss hadn't dated in over a year and that the mere mention of an attractive man made her uncomfortable.

Donna smiled and checked her messages.

"Oh," Maddie exclaimed, "I almost forgot. You have a visitor."

"My 9:30? He's early isn't he?" Donna was still reading her messages and didn't look up from the papers in her hand.

"No. Not your 9:30. Someone from Washington. He wouldn't leave his name. I put him in the conference room."

Donna's head whipped up, "Washington?"

"Yes," Maddie studied her boss and noticed that Donna had suddenly gotten very pale. "Is everything ok?"

Smiling nervously, Donna nodded, "Everything's fine. The conference room?"

Nodding, Maddie watched Donna, still in her coat and carrying her briefcase walk slowly down the hall to the conference room.

xxx

Josh was standing at the window of the conference room with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He still doubted the sanity of this great "plan" that Sam and C.J. had concocted, but it was Sam's call to make and he had agreed to make the trip.

At the sound of the door opening, he took a deep breath and turned around. What he saw was like a fist to his solar plexus and the breath went out of him in one single second.

Donna had always been a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about that. But her time as a political player and the years in the private sector had brought out a maturity Josh had never seen before. In a cream colored overcoat that matched the color of her hair and a slate grey suit that made her skin white and her eyes blue, Josh thought she had never looked more impressive.

"Hey."

She stood and stared at him, a look of incomprehension on her face. The very kinetic energy of his personality hit her like a wave when she walked through the door and every word in her vocabulary seemed to disappear at once. Knowing that she probably looked like an idiot, she walked into the conference room, pulled off her leather gloves and set her briefcase down on the table.

"Hello."

Her voice was distant and cold. Josh didn't know what he had expected to hear when he saw her, but this wasn't it.

"How are you?"

Donna studied him for a moment. The years had not been kind to Josh Lyman. There was grey in his hair and the lines around his mouth were a more pronounced. When they had first met, eleven years ago, he had seemed an adolescent trapped in a man's body. Now, he looked his age and she felt a sharp pain in her heart when she saw the toll the years in Washington had taken on him.

"I'm fine."

He was bouncing on his feet with nervous energy and knew that they needed to move past this incredibly awkward situation or he would get tossed out of this building on his ass faster than he could say "Filibuster."

"Can we go get some coffee somewhere and talk? Somewhere neutral? You know not yours, not mine, not over-run with enemy troops?"

_Damn_. He had pulled out the dimples and she found herself smiling despite of herself.

"Enemy troops?"

"Sorry. I've been teaching a class on treaties and we're covering the Yalta Conference. World War II and everything."

"Ahhh... I see."

"So what do you say? Coffee? I'll even pick up the tab." He was almost begging and he felt like a fool but he wanted to sit and talk with her so badly he would do anything at this point and make any promise to keep her from turning away.

Looking up at him, she waited a beat and then smiled. "Sure. Just give me a minute."

Walking over to the phone, Donna picked up the receiver and dialed. "Maddie? Yeah. Can you do me a favor? Call Eli Whitton and reschedule for later in the week. I don't care what you tell him, just let me know what it is so I can use the same story... Yeah, I'm going to go out for a little bit... Yeah, just cover the calls. I don't think I'll need to talk to anyone, but I'll have my cell... Oh, and I'm going to leave my briefcase here –can you come take it to my office? Thanks. You are a goddess!"

Turning to Josh, Donna picked up her purse and her gloves and walked to the door. "You coming?"

Dashing around the corner of the table, Josh followed her out into the hallway.

xxx

Madison, Wisconsin is cold in early November. Josh thought New England was cold, but out here in was a different cold. Their breath was heavy in the air around them and they sat on the park bench sipping from their coffee cups as if they were holding liquid heaters.

He kept glancing over at her and marveling at how beautiful she seemed in every surrounding. Her hair was pulled back on her head in a bun and the pearls at her ears screamed elegance. He wondered how he could have let her walk away and mentally kicked himself over and over.

"So, you wanted to talk... Talk." The words were tight and cold, as if she was trying to keep a rein on her emotions.

"I'm sorry about the chicken."_ Damn_. That wasn't exactly what he had wanted to say.

"What?"

"I'm sorry about the chicken. I didn't do it to make a fool of you. You know that, right?"

Donna stared at him incredulously and then started to laugh, "The chicken? You flew all the way out here after three years to tell me you were sorry for the chicken?"

Josh chuckled and put his forearms on his thighs, leaning forward on the bench, "Well, not exactly, but I thought it might be a good start."

Shaking her head and laughing, Donna felt herself soften toward him, "I never thought you did it on purpose just to get at me. It was a good plan and I fell for it."

"Yeah, well, I just had to tell you I was sorry."

Sipping her coffee, she turned to him conspiratorially, "I do have to admit, though. I have difficultly going to the local chicken place in the summer. They always have a guy in a suit out front during lunch and I feel and incredible urge to yell at him."

Josh laughed and realized it had been a very long time since the two of them had shared a laugh. A long time.

Sipping his coffee for a moment and studying the park around them through his sunglasses, Josh knew that the talk had to turn to more serious matters.

"Why did you leave, Donna?"

Donna stopped mid sip and lowered her coffee cup. The topic had never been discussed between them and she wasn't sure how she could do so now.

"I had an offer, Josh. It was a good job."

"Was I that bad of a boss? What did I do?" The frustration was creeping into his voice.

"No. Josh, you weren't. But I needed to do it. I needed to figure out if I could do it on my own."

"I would have helped you, Donna..."

"I tried to ask you, Josh! I tried over and over again and you blew me off. You had more important things to do and more important people to see and it was always like that!"

Josh looked at her and saw the emotions playing across her face. He knew everything she was saying was true and he knew that he deserved whatever she threw at him.

"Will offered me the job and it was something that would let me go and do something without you, Josh. Do you understand what that meant to me? All my life I was defined by the men around me... my father, Kevin, you. It was my opportunity to go and find out if I really needed all of you to tell me who I was or if I could do something on my own."

She was breathing harder now at the effort to get the words out and she felt the tears rise to the surface when she thought of how she had failed at that endeavor.

"And all I did was prove you all right in the end."

"What?" Josh sat with his mouth open, "What the hell does that mean?"

"We lost, Josh. I yelled at a chicken, I fucked up in front of the press, I counseled a man who went on to lose. I proved I wasn't good at it and I failed."

Josh jumped up off of the bench and started pacing, a habit Donna noticed hadn't left him in the years since he had departed the White House.

"You're insane, you know that? You were great, Donna. Great!"

"Josh..."

"No! Listen to me! Bob Russell lost. _You_ didn't lose. Do you know how amazing you were when you handled the press? I would see you on CNN and MSNBC and all the news outlets and I would feel so proud of you. You were amazing!"

It was Donna's turn to be shocked and she knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn't control it. Josh was _proud _of her?

"I would sit up at night and watch the coverage of your campaign and wish we had you with us. God, Donna, do you know how hard it was to do that campaign without you?"

He sat back down beside her and leaned back against the bench. All this time, the words had been rolling around in his head and he hadn't spoken them to a single soul.

"Every time we had a victory, I'd look around to celebrate with someone and realize it wasn't like the Bartlet campaigns. There wasn't anyone there that I could look at and have them _know_ what I was thinking. It's not that they weren't good people. They were. But they weren't _you_."

The tears were in his eyes and he took off his sunglasses to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry, Donna. I'm sorry and I don't know what else to do."

Donna stood up and took a few steps away. Her hands were deep in her pockets and her head was lowered. The thoughts were chasing one another through her head and she couldn't begin to pick one out from the other.

"Why are you here, Josh?"

He studied her back, the elegant hair, the sleek clothes, the perfect shoes.

"Sam is running for President."

She whipped her head around, "What?"

"I said, Sam is running for President."

She walked over and sat down next to him, studying his face to see if he was joking. He wasn't.

"But President Santos..."

"The President is not going to run for another term." He let it sink in for a moment and continued before she could ask another question, "The First Lady has breast cancer. It's terminal. The President wants to finish the term and go back to Texas with the family."

Donna's hand flew to her mouth, "Oh my God. Oh, Josh. Those poor children!"

He wasn't shocked that her first thought was for the First Family. After all, she had been the one who had asked of the President's condition when she had been told about the MS. Not of what they were going to do, or what would happen to her, but "How is he?" Ever caring Donna.

"Yeah."

The two sat for a moment in silence. Donna brushed away a tear and took a deep breath.

"Sam is running?"

"Yeah. The President brought him in and told him about... the thing. Asked him if he wanted to run."

"The President suggested he run?" It seemed odd to use the phrase "the President" and not be referring to Jed Bartlet. Donna had never gotten over her discomfort at that fact.

"Yeah."

"And I assume you are running the campaign?"

Josh sat for a moment, "Yeah. Sam asked me."

"Who else?"

"What?"

"Who else is on board?"

Josh looked down at the ground in front of him. "C.J., Toby, Will Bailey. Those are the heavy hitters so far."

Donna nodded. It was a powerhouse team. "Why are you here, Josh?"

Sighing, he looked out over the park and noticed a young couple with their small child on the sliding board and smiled. _They look happy_, he thought. _I think I miss that._

"Josh?"

"Sam wants you to come work with us. He wants you to handle the press."

Donna stood up again and walked away, "No."

"Donna, come on..."

"No, I'm not coming back to work for you Josh. I have a great job here, a great home, I'm happy. I don't need Washington anymore."

"Damn it, Donna!" He was by her side now and had his hand on her elbow. The air between the two was electric and emotions were so close to the surface that they were almost palpable. "Sam needs you. The campaign needs you. _I_ need you!"

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and blue.

"I can't do it again without you, Donna. I need to do this for Sam, but I can't do it without you. You won't be working for me. You'll be working for Sam. Please, Donna. Please come back."

She chewed on her lower lip and looked out away from him. He was begging. All these years, she had wanted him to hurt and he had and now he was begging and it was the most terrifying thing she had ever heard.

"I won't be working for you?"

"No. Absolutely not. It's a team. Sam calls the shots. It's not like last time. You won't be a junior assistant with a borrowed badge."

Turning to look him in the face, she knew he wasn't lying. There was no artifice in his voice or his eyes. He needed her on this campaign.

Pulling her arm out of his grasp, she took a few steps away and pulled out her cell phone.

"Maddie, it's me... Yeah... Look, we need to clear my schedule for the next few days... Yeah, I know, but John can handle those... okay?... And I need you to do me a favor... I need you to get me a ticket to D.C... Yes, Washington, D.C... This afternoon if you can... okay?... Yup, I'll be back in shortly... Thanks, Maddie."

When she turned around, Josh was pumping his fists in a characteristically Josh Lyman way and quietly saying "Yes!"

Smiling, she turned away and said over her shoulder, "Enough celebrating, Chicken Man. We've got a plane to catch."


	4. Matter of the Heart

AUTHOR'S NOTES: BWAH! I have to laugh. I read a review of this story left by someone (who did, after all, sign their review) in which they said they didn't want to read this story because they didn't want Sam paired with anyone but Ainsley. Okay. Whatever. To each his/her own, right?

Tissues might be necessary with this one folks... Just a warning. Everybody has been begging me for this, so here you go.

xxx

Nashua was cold. Nashua was small. Nashua was somewhere they had all been before. But this time, the small, cold town was the scene of a party they all had been waiting to attend.

Samuel Seaborn had won the New Hampshire primary. Not just won it, but won it by a landslide.

Not that they had doubted it would happen. New Hampshire, after all, was a Bartlet state and the Seaborn campaign wore the Bartlet legacy like a family crest, but it was a reassuring win none-the-less.

The atmosphere in the hotel room was that of celebration and nothing less. C.J. was slated to do the Jackal shortly and Josh was swinging Maddie around the room to the tunes of Simon & Garfunkel's _Mrs. Robinson_. The press had been briefed, the wine had been opened and Donna was taking a moment to take it all in. She was happy she had convinced her assistant to join the campaign. The young woman was bright, energetic and organized and Donna felt she had slipped into the team effortlessly.

Standing in the doorway, she felt Toby walk up beside her and lean his back against the wall. The two stood and watched the celebration, each deep in thought.

Josh looked over and waved for Donna to come join him. She laughed and shook her head, waving him to continue on with Maddie, the two dancing now to a bouncy Barenaked Ladies tune.

Toby cleared his throat and popped a peanut in his mouth. Chewing slowly, he looked over at the woman next to him.

"I need you to explain something to me."

Donna looked over, rolling her wine glass between her hands, "What?"

"I need you to explain to me what the hell is going on with you two." Toby didn't look at her, but studied Josh dancing across the room with the young red-head.

"I'm sorry?" Donna was shocked at the intimacy of the conversation Toby had chosen. The two had never shared confidences and she was confused as to why he would choose to do so now.

"You two have been dancing around one another for eleven years. _Eleven years_. And you have been handed more second chances that anyone has a right to receive. I don't get it... How many more chances do you think fate will give you, Donna?"

She looked down at the wine in her glass, shocked at his words.

"I'm not blind, you know," he continued, chewing on another peanut and looking out across the room. "None of us are. I'm not picking sides or assigning blame, but isn't it time that you both stop hurting each other?"

Sighing, she leaned her head against the wall.

"I can't do it again, Toby."

He looked over at her and popped another peanut in his mouth. If he was anything, he was a man of patience. He could wait for the words to come.

Perhaps it was the wine, or the special feeling of the night. Perhaps it was the fact that it wasn't Sam or C.J. talking to her about this, but Toby - a man who had kept his own counsel all these years and never got involved. Whatever the reason, Donna felt the words slip out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I can't do it again. I can't fall in love with him again."

Toby looked over at her and said quietly, "Did you ever fall out of love with him?"

Donna looked away and took a sip of wine. She felt Toby take her arm and walk her out into the hallway. The sound of the music was muted out here and there was no one around who would overhear their conversation.

"Donna..."

"Toby, I'm serious. I can't do it. I can't fall in love with him and consider the possibility of both of us ending up in the White House again. It's a sick version of _Groundhog Day_ that I can't live through."

Toby leaned against one side of the hallway and watched the blonde woman pace back and forth. _I wonder if she got that habit from him_, he thought.

"Does that make sense? Can you understand that?"

Toby chuckled, "You're talking to a man who has been in love with two women his entire life, Donna. One I can't have and one won't have me. I understand more than you know."

Donna looked up at him and smiled sadly. Toby was an enigma to most, but she found him relatively easy to read. She had always known he and C.J. had a different kind of relationship, but had never mentioned it to the older woman knowing her own position with Josh made her something of a hypocrite.

Taking a swig of scotch, Toby said quietly, "If Sam wins, Josh won't be in the White House."

Stopping dead in her tracks, Donna stared.

"I don't understand."

The older man cleared his throat and said quietly, "They have an agreement. If Sam wins, Josh isn't going to the White House."

Donna shook her head slowly and said, "I don't... I don't get it... Why wouldn't Josh go with Sam?"

Toby sighed deeply. He had known that Donna hadn't been told and he thought it a terrible mistake. The consequences of this conversation may be wide reaching, but he knew in his heart that she had to be told.

"Do you know why Josh didn't take the position of Chief of Staff when President Santos offered it to him?" He was looking at her intently now.

Donna nodded slightly. C.J. had told her about the mad dash Josh had made to her apartment.

"I don't think you do," Toby said softly. "Yes, you were a part of it, but there was another reason."

The blonde looked at him questioningly. The look in her eyes reminded Toby of those awful moments in the waiting room at George Washington and he thought that fate was cruel in making him the bearer of bad news to this woman twice in one lifetime.

Putting his hand on his chest, he tapped lightly.

Donna shook her head, "Toby, I don't understand..."

Catching her eye, he said with compassion, "His heart, Donna."

The words hung in the air and slowly began to sink into her mind.

"The Santos campaign and the stress of the second term... Do you think that the grey hair was the only thing he took away from Washington?"

Donna slowly started shaking her head from side to side. Toby knew he had to continue and knew that his words were crushing her heart, but he couldn't let her go through the remaining months of the campaign without knowing the truth.

"Shortly before the election, Josh was up with the Bartlet's in New Hampshire. He collapsed. After the doctors checked him, he found out that the stress of the campaign and the infinitely abysmal care he took of himself had done the tarantella on his heart. Abby Bartlet got him to see the best cardiologist in New England. He was told he needed to leave Washington."

Her eyes were now closed and her head was against the wall. She could feel the tears seep out from under her eyelids and she could do nothing to stop them.

"Sam knows and C.J. knows. That's why he's not running this campaign completely on his own. It's a team effort because we need him, but we can't let him carry it himself."

Donna opened her eyes, the tears now sliding down her cheeks. She saw nothing around her and heard only Toby's words repeating in her head.

_His heart, Donna._

Staggering away from Toby, she turned and started to walk down the hallway. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she needed to be alone to process what she had just been told.

Toby watched her disappear down the hallway and felt a presence walk up behind him. Turning to look over his shoulder, he saw C.J.

"What happened?"

The muscles working in his jaw, he turned and looked at the older woman. "I told her."

Staring at him, C.J. said quietly, "Told her _what_, Toby?"

Silently, he put his hand on his chest and repeated his gesture from earlier – two taps above his heart.

C.J. hung her head, "Oh God."

Turning to look back down the empty hallway, Toby said quietly, "Yeah."

xxx

Josh and Donna had connecting rooms. It hadn't started out that way, but old habits die hard and they found that they worked best when they had easy access to each other's time.

Josh fumbled with his keycard and finally made it into his room. _Damn those things._ Flicking on the television, he listened as the newscast recapped the New Hampshire results. He couldn't help but feel a smile creep across his face.

He strode over to the connecting door that joined his room with Donna's and knocked. He knew she was in there because he could hear the television, but there was no answer. Slowly turning the knob, he opened the door and stepped into her room.

The room was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming through the windows and from the flickering screen of the television. The bed was empty and as he looked around, he saw her sitting in a chair turned to face out the window. The curtains were open and she was watching the snow fall softly outside.

"Donna?"

She didn't respond, didn't turn, just continued to look out the window into the snow.

"Donna, what's wrong?" He didn't want to move, the atmosphere in the room was frighteningly still and he felt a finger of fear grip his heart.

"You know, I thought that sitting in that hospital room, waiting to see if you lived or died... I thought that was the worst point in my life," she said quietly from her seat in the chair.

Josh moved quietly into the room and stood behind her.

"But now I know that wasn't the worst. Because that was only fourteen hours. I could live through fourteen hours. Fourteen hours is nothing. This... this is going to be days and months and maybe years and I don't know if I can do that again."

Kneeling down beside her, Josh could see in the light from the window that there were tears streaming down her face and that they had been there for quite a while. "What is it, Donna?"

"Toby told me," she said softly, not turning her head. "He told me what no one else thought to tell me."

She raised her hand to her chest and tapped it softly over her heart in a sad echo of Toby's gesture in the hallway. It had become a sick code to which she wished she had never been introduced.

Hanging his head, Josh knew immediately what had happened. He had made them all promise not to tell her. They fought him, but in the end, he had won. Or maybe he hadn't.

"Donnatella, I'm sorry..."

She started laughing hollowly, "Sorry? You're sorry?"

"I made them promise not to tell you." He was still kneeling at her side silently urging her to look at him.

"Why, Josh? Why wouldn't you tell me? I know we haven't been that close recently, but why..."

"I didn't want your pity, Donna."

She turned to look at him, "What?"

Sighing, he looked out the window, "Look at me... I'm an old man with grey hair and a bad heart. I didn't want you to pity me. I didn't want you to come back because you felt sorry for me. That's not us. That's not how we do things. It wasn't back then and I didn't want it to be now."

Suddenly, he felt her hand on the top of his head and the tears began to slide down his face.

"I'm sorry, Donna. I'm so sorry."

She continued to run her hand through his hair and he felt the words come out in an ever increasing string.

"I screwed up and wasted all of the best years. I know that now. I waited too long and I can't make up for it. I've been an ass and I fucked it up and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up in the morning and wish I had every day to live over again."

He was sobbing now and her hand was still on the top of his head.

"I wanted you on this campaign. I needed you here. I needed you near me. If you were near me, it was enough. It was enough for me to keep going and I wasn't going to ask for any more. I don't deserve any more."

They were both crying now and he put his head against her thigh, her one hand still resting in his hair and the other covering her mouth. The only sound in the room came from the CNN broadcast on the television behind them.

"What do the doctors say?"

He sighed deeply, trying to get control of the tears that fell onto her pajamas.

"If I watch what I eat, control my stress level and try and take better care of myself, I'll be okay."

Through her tears she laughed, "They don't know you very well, do they?"

Smiling at her laugh, he said, "Obviously not."

Sliding off the chair, Donna kneeled on the floor in front of him and put her hands on either side of his face. She searched his face as if she were looking for clues.

"Toby asked me tonight if I ever fell out of love with you."

He studied her face and found he couldn't look away from her eyes. They were luminous and the ambient light from the snow outside gave her a halo. At that moment, he thought she looked like an angel.

"I didn't, Josh. I never fell out of love with you. Not for a moment, not for a second. Not even after I tried."

He gasped and sobbed.

She leaned into him and put her lips against his. He could feel the wetness of her tears against his cheek and taste their salt on his lips. His arms slid up around her and she held his face in her hands. The kiss lasted for hours, he thought, and when they separated, they were breathless.

"Eleven years I've waited for that," he said softly into her hair. "I've been such a fool."

Laughing quietly against his chest she replied, "Yes. You have."

He laughed now, sniffing as well, the tears still wet against his cheeks. He smelled her shampoo and skin lotion and felt her in his arms and realized it wasn't a dream or hallucination. He was here and she was here and she had just told him she loved him.

"Donna..."

"Shhhh...," she said, putting a finger against his lips. "Don't. There's too much to say and I don't want to talk right now."

He looked down into her eyes and wondered if he could make up for years of hurting them both.

She raised her head and quietly took in the man in front of her. Yes, the hair was greyer, the laugh lines deeper, the body heavier. But the look in his eyes was the same. It was the look she saw that night in the snow in front of her apartment and that morning she woke up in the hospital bed in Germany. It was the same man she loved then and realized she loved now.

Standing, she held out her hand to him. "Take me to bed, Joshua. We have years to make up for..."


	5. Monty Python's Presidential Campaign

AUTHOR'S NOTES: That last chapter, wow... took a little out of me.

Many thanks to **slim** and **outtabreath**. Man, you guys make an incredible cheering section.

I was always intrigued by the fact that Leo never called the President "Jed". They were old friends and yet, there was a line that was never crossed between them. The idea gave rise to this chapter in which our two favorite boys discover it's time to shit or get off the pot.

xxx

C.J. had dubbed the campaign plane _Flying Circus One_. It was a reference that many of the younger staffers certainly didn't get, but one that made the older staffers giggle and occasionally mimic the Ministry of Silly Walks through the aisle.

They were on their way back from stops in the Midwest, trying to capitalize on their substantial lead on the rest of the Democratic candidates. It had been a long week and everyone was looking forward to getting back to Washington. They were scheduled to appear at a DNC fundraiser in that night, but had a day of "rest" before they hit the road again.

Josh stood behind the curtain that separated the press from the candidate and the staff and listened to Donna field questions. He couldn't hear the reporters, but he could certainly hear the sharp and, he had to admit, witty responses she threw back at them.

_That's my girl._

"... Steve, you know I can't comment on Sutherland's internal polls. But I'll tell you this... if I thought he was going to win, I wouldn't have sold my house in Wisconsin for a sickeningly undermarket price and flown halfway across the country to work for minimum wage. Not that I don't _love_ the company... Jennifer?...Dr. Seaborn will be wearing a black, Ralph Lauren column dress, Manolo Blanik shoes and her own jewelry this evening. And no, you can't claim dibs on the dress for your sister's wedding on Saturday because my name is next on the list. And that, my friends, is all I have for you right now..."

Donna pushed her way through the curtain smiling. She loved working with the press and found it exhilirating to be the voice of the campaign. The fact that Sam gave her the opportunity made her love her friend even more. Lost in her thoughts, she ran straight into Josh who was still standing in the aisle.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry!"

He leaned in toward her and whispered in her ear, "If you wanted to run over me, I'd have no complaints, but I would prefer it be done in a much more private setting."

Donna blushed and looked around to see if anyone was watching them. It was common knowledge around the campaign that the two of them were an "item" and it was generally ignored on the whole, but they had promised one another that they wouldn't make public displays of their relationship.

"Josh..."

He grinned at her wickedly and turned around to walk back up the aisle. On his right, C.J. was on the phone making arrangements for their West Coast stops for the following week. She was gesticulating with her hands wildly and raising her voice in a way that let Josh know that the person on the other end of the line was receiving a tongue lashing to end all others. In the past, he had often been on the receiving end of that anger and firmly tried to avoid it at all costs. Giving C.J. a wide berth, he continued up through the plane.

To his left, Toby was working on the speech that Sam was to give that night at the party. Every so often, he would rub his hand over his head, reach for a sunflower seed and pop it into his mouth. _Thwack_. The shell would be spit into the cup at his side and the cycle would start over again. Believing that discretion was _not_ the better part of valor, Josh sauntered over to sit down next to the older man.

"Go away."

Josh grinned. Toby was in rare form. This would be fun.

"So, Toby..."

"Go away, Josh." _Thwack_.

"You working on the speech?"

Chew, chew. _Thwack_. Toby looked over at Josh with a look that had caused lesser men to run screaming.

Josh grinned. "That good?"

"Go the fuck away, Josh." _Thwack_.

"You know, we only have three more hours before we land."

Rub the head, pop a sunflower seed.

_Thwack._

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Now leave me alone in my misery."

Chuckling, Josh stood up and moved a few steps away. "You know, we'll need to circulate..."

"Go away!" _Thwack_.

Laughing, Josh bounced up the aisle toward the forward cabin where Sam and Suzanna normally kept "court". Suzanna was seated just in front of the curtain, looking over press photos with Donna. The two women sat with their heads close together and Josh felt a sudden surge of tenderness sweep over him when he looked at the blonde and the brunette. He knew that Donna made him happy and he was certain the Suzanna made his best friend just as happy in their relationship. In fact, Josh had never seen Sam as happy as the day the two married two years ago.

_We are very lucky men._

Walking through the curtain, Josh found Sam sitting alone reading papers from his Senate office. He stopped to look at the younger man, studying the figure he cut in his glasses, crisp white shirt and tie.

_He looks Presidential_, Josh thought.

The thought rocked Josh to his core. It was the first time he truly saw his friend in such a light and Josh knew that they _needed_ to make the American public see him the same way. Up to this point, the campaign had been something of a lark, the casual atmosphere around the candidate leading to undefined boundaries. Josh knew that if they wanted the public to perceive Sam as someone capable of leading the country, things had to change. Josh had been contemplating raising the issue with Sam for some time now, but had never found the opportune time.

Walking over to the seat across from Sam, Josh sat down and looked at his friend.

"How's the speech coming?" Sam asked without looking up from his papers.

"Toby's working on it," Josh replied, rubbing his hand over his chin and looking out the window. He knew the conversation he wanted to have with Sam would not be received well. Sam prided himself on is accessibility and friendliness. He wanted the staff to feel a part of a team that included the candidate, remembering the early days of the Bartlet campaign that had made all of them uncomfortable.

"Senator..."

Sam's head shot up.

"Don't."

Josh sighed, "Look, Senator..."

"Damn it Josh. I'm Sam. I've been Sam for the last twenty years, I'm still Sam."

The two men eyed one another. The tension between them was beginning to rise and it was an uncomfortable third party in the conversation.

"No. You're not. You're the junior Senator from California and if we want people to respect you, we have to remember that."

"Do you think I've forgotten that?" Sam asked sharply, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Josh looked out the window for a moment. It was Sam's vulnerability and openness that made the staff so devoted. It also made him look like a kid and Josh knew they needed to bulk up their image if they wanted to defeat the Republicans in November.

"Yes. I think you have."

Sam felt his temper rise. _ What the fuck?_

"How dare you!"

Josh, equally as quick tempered, felt himself grow angry. "I dare, Senator, because I'm running your campaign and right now, it looks like we're throwing fucking flying fraternity party!"

The two men were now standing and were within a foot of one another. Their voices continued to grow and it would simply be a matter of time before someone in the next cabin caught wind of the fight that was brewing.

"What the _fuck_ does that mean, Josh?"

"It means that you want to be President. We want the American public to see you as President. We can't do that when no one can tell the difference between you and your staffers. It means that it's my fucking job to get you elected and you're not doing me any goddamned favors!"

"I thought I was clear when we went into this..."

"Goddamn it, Sam! Stop thinking like that kid I found at Gage Whitney. Stop thinking like that kid who sat in that office in the West Wing. Damn it, Sam! You aren't trying to stand in front of the desk in the Oval Office. You're trying to stand behind it. _Now fucking act like it_!"

At that moment, Suzanna and Donna came through the curtain that separated the two men from the rest of the plane. Suzanna caught one look at Josh's face and heavy breathing and knew things had gotten out of hand. Walking over, she took Josh's left wrist in her hand and calculated his pulse.

Josh put one hand up on the overhead compartment to steady himself and looked out the window. His heart was racing and his breath was labored. He knew he shouldn't have let things get to the point of yelling, but he hadn't been able to control himself. Sam stood with his arms limply at his side and watched his wife check his best friend's heart rate.

"Sit down, Josh," Suzanna said firmly, pushing the older man with her hand. "Sam, can you please go get Josh a bottle of water?"

Silently, Sam walked around the corner and disappeared into the galley.

A moment later he was joined by his wife who found her husband standing in front of the coffee pot, arms crossed, head bowed.

Watching him for a moment, she quietly stepped up next to him and said, "You know, it won't jump off the burner and pour itself. No matter how long you stand there and stare at it."

Sam said nothing but stepped back to lean against the bulkhead wall. His arms were crossed across his chest and he slowly scuffed his shoe on the carpet.

Knowing her husband was deeply upset, Suzanna quietly took a cup out of the cupboard and poured herself some coffee. She had gotten the gist of the argument from Josh (and from overhearing the raised voices) and knew that while her husband valued his friendship with his staff, Josh was right. She also knew that it pained Sam to think that his friends would no longer treat him in the manner they always had.

Taking a sip of coffee, she looked down and rubbed her finger across the lipstick mark on the rim of the cup.

"He's right."

Sam groaned and leaned his head against the wall, "Suze..."

"Sam, he's right and you know it." She stood across from her husband and watched the emotions roll across his face. _ He's like an open book._

Looking up at the ceiling, Sam felt tired. In all his years in law and politics, he had never felt the aching weariness and loneliness that he felt at this moment.

"I don't know if I can do this, Suze."

He lowered his head and looked her in the eye. The hours of talking and debate that had preceded his decision to run had been emotionally trying for both of them. A political daughter, Suzanna had never deluded herself regarding the rigors of the campaign or the changes and sacrifices that would need to be made. Ever the dreamer, Sam had not considered that it would be this hard.

"Do you want to call it off?"

His wife's quiet question sank to the pit of his stomach. In the back of his head, a voice shouted _Yes! Yes! Let's call if off, go home, open some beers and laugh about what a good time we had_. At the same time, he knew that they had a good chance of winning. A better chance than Bartlet that first time or even the second time. They had a chance to continue the work they had all lived for in the beginning, the dreams and ideals they bled for in those early years.

Sam looked at the cupboard above his wife's head and heard the voice of Jed Bartlet in his head. _One day, Sam, you'll be President_...

"No."

His wife quietly nodded and took another sip of coffee. "Then you have to let him do his job."

Closing his eyes, Sam sighed heavily. He felt his wife's arms snake around him and he rested his chin on the top of her head.

"How is he?"

Suzanna chuckled softly, "He'll be fine. I told Donna to make him rest for the next couple of hours. Doctor's orders."

The two stood for a few more minutes and then separated. Sam walked around the corner into the cabin and stopped in his tracks. He felt Suzanna walk up behind him and place her hand on the small of his back.

Donna and Josh were in the row of seats directly in front of the curtain separating the two front cabins. Josh was stretched out across the seats with his head in Donna's lap, sleeping. Donna was quietly stroking his hair and looking at him with a look so loving Sam felt as if his heart would break.

Sam walked over and squatted down beside Donna.

"Donna..."

Taking her free hand, Donna reached over and put her fingers across Sam's mouth.

She knew what had happened between the two men and it made her want to cry. In the dark quiet hours of the night, when the two had been together, Josh had confided in her about the need to change the campaign. In those same quiet hours, Josh had also told her that he felt Sam was the best of all of them – the one with the greatest dreams, the highest morals, and the loftiest ideals. Josh believed that Sam was one of the greatest men he had ever met and he would sacrifice his life to put his friend in the White House. She knew now that whatever had happened, the tone of the campaign and their friendship would never be the same.

"It's okay."

Sam gently took her hand in both of his. The shadow that resided in Donna's eyes had been there ever since Toby had told her of Josh's terrible secret. Even when she smiled, Sam saw the fear lurking in the background.

Leaning down, Sam softly kissed Donna's fingertips. To Suzanna, who was watching from the front of the cabin, it wasn't an erotic or flirtatious gesture. It was simply an act of tenderness from a man who valued his friends as family. The simplicity of the action made her cover her mouth with her hand and tears rise to her eyes.

Rising from beside Donna's seat, Sam turned to his wife and reached out his hand. Suzanna quickly walked up and took the outstretched hand and followed her husband through the curtain into the next compartment.

Donna looked down at the man sleeping in her lap and smiled. Tears slowly slid down her face as she realized what a thin line it was that they had to walk.

Josh would put everything on the line to put Sam in the White House and the entire time she would be desperately fighting to keep him alive.


	6. Death of a King

AUTHOR'S NOTES: **outtabreath** gets a very big round of applause for beta-ing this chapter. It was a tough one to write and probably a tough one to edit/review. She has my utmost gratitude for her efforts. And **slimwhistler** gets props too because I asked her, but am too anxious to get this online so I can sleep tonight to wait for her answer... next chapter is yours, woman.

Direct quotes are from Shakespeare's _Henry V _and the book of Luke (1:78).

xxx

It was late spring and the ground was soggy. The daffodils and crocuses were struggling to poke out in the weak spring sunshine and everything seemed to be covered in a layer of damp.

The mood at campaign headquarters was subdued. The younger staffers, college students mostly, knew that something was in the air, but didn't know the details. The senior staffers were constantly behind closed doors and when they did emerge, tempers were short and words scarce.

Sam and Suzanna had returned two weeks prior from a short trip to New Hampshire to visit Jed and Abby Bartlet. Upon their return to headquarters, Josh, C.J., Toby, Will and Donna all filed into the war room behind them and shut the door.

Perched in various positions around the table, no one spoke until C.J. broke the silence.

"Well?"

Sam and Suzanna looked at one another silently.

"It won't be long now." Suzanna said softly, echoing the words that Abby had said to her in the kitchen of the farmhouse that morning.

The room was still and silent. All eyes were turned to Sam and Suzanna in a look of utter devastation.

Josh walked over to stand behind Donna's chair and put his hands on her shoulders. Her head was bowed and her blonde hair formed a shield around her face.

C.J. leaned over and put her head in her hands. Reaching over from the chair next to hers, Toby put his hand on her back. Tears were shining in his eyes and the muscles in his jaw were working.

Will stood stunned. He looked at Sam and Suzanna in complete shock. He thought back to the night of Jed Bartlet's Second Inaugural and the words echoed over the years.

_I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States._

"Abby can only guess, but the doctors say it's just a few more weeks. His condition is declining quickly." Suzanna continued, "The family wants to keep it out of the press for as long as possible."

Donna raised her head, the tears glistening on her cheeks, "How is she?"

Sam shrugged, "The same as ever. Zoey was there and when we left Liz was on her way with the kids."

Josh looked up at the ceiling. "Charlie..."

"I called him on the way back," Sam replied. "He should be on his way up there now."

There was another silence in the room.

"So what do we do?" Will asked quietly.

Josh and Sam locked eyes and silently nodded. They were not callous men, though their actions sometimes made them seem otherwise. But they knew that they could not stop to mourn, for such a break would give their opponents a much needed opening.

"We keep going," Josh said softly. "He would want us to keep going."

"Josh is right," Sam said firmly. "We've got swings through several states scheduled in the next couple of weeks and we need to make them."

Donna stood up and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "We can't mention this outside of this room. The press will pick up on it if we do and then they'll swarm the farm."

"She's right," C.J. added. "We've got to keep this as quiet as possible."

The group quietly stood and looked at one another. The memories of their years with the Bartlet administration were ghosts that walked among them, flitted in and out and surfaced each day when no one was looking. They were each brothers-in-arms, an army forged in those brilliant years and they carried that honor with them. The suffering of their king had made them each stronger and the group stronger as a whole.

Turning silently, they filed out of the room. It took tremendous effort that day, and the slow days that followed, not to break down but each knew that the privacy of the Bartlet family depended on their silence.

xxx

Josh and Donna were in their apartment two weeks later with C.J. and Toby when the call came.

When the campaign began, Donna had rented her own apartment. However, as their relationship progressed they both agreed that having two apartments was a waste of money and Donna moved her clothes into Josh's place. They weren't in town much these days and it simply seemed to be the most practical resolution of living arrangements. Donna sublet her apartment to three of the younger campaign staffers and let them keep her furniture, on the terms that nothing would be burned for firewood and anything broken would be replaced after the election.

Donna and C.J. were studying the most recent polling numbers out of Northwest when the telephone rang. Josh was in the kitchen washing dishes (one of his few domestic responsibilities) and Toby was on the sofa watching a basketball game. The ringing stopped and Donna assumed Josh had answered the kitchen extension. Turning back to the reports in front of her, Donna remarked to C.J. that the numbers out of Oregon were good - damned good - and they needed to work on a statement to be released the next day.

She looked up a moment later and saw Josh standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his face pale and hands hanging limply at his sides.

"What is it?" she asked jumping up and running to his side. The paleness of his features made her fear he was having a heart attack – a serious possibility given the stress of their recent schedule.

"That was Leo."

The papers fell out of C.J.'s hands and Toby stood up from his spot on the sofa. They all knew that Leo McGarry had been at the Bartlet farm in New Hampshire lending his support to Abby and the girls in these last, sad days.

"Josh?" C.J. said, cautiously.

Taking Donna's hand, Josh looked down and then over at his friends.

"President Bartlet died this afternoon at 3:00."

There was a deathly stillness in the room and no one moved.

Donna suddenly let out a quiet sob and Josh collected her in his arms. He looked out over her shoulder and saw Toby collapse heavily on the sofa. The older man lowered his head into his hands and Josh saw his shoulders begin to shake uncontrollably.

C.J. stumbled from her seat at the dining room table and kneeled down beside Toby, wrapping her arms around his legs and laying her head on his knees. Tears were streaming down her face and she did nothing to wipe them away.

Josh could do nothing but stand and hold the sobbing woman in his arms. He was empty, shell-shocked, and Leo's words kept ringing hollowly through his head.

_He's gone_, _Josh._ The sobs on the phone were heavy and loud. _He's gone._

xxx

Abigail Bartlet stood on the porch of the farm in New Hampshire and looked out over the land that the Bartlets had claimed for generations. She had always liked this farm. It was her sanctuary during the tough times – she had returned here with Zoey after the kidnapping and often slipped away during other stressful times to sit on the porch and think.

There would be no resting on the farm today.

As precedent dictated, there would be a public service for the President followed by a private service in a local Catholic church and burial in the Bartlet family plot. The public service would take place here on the farm – Jed had made that request in the papers filed with the State Department after his departure from the White House. Abby watched from the porch as workers set up row after row of folding chairs in the lower pasture.

There had been no lying-in-state. Jed's New England roots screamed out against such an ostentatious display and Abby put her foot down when it was suggested.

"He will leave from this farm. Not from the Rotunda in Washington. Not from the capitol in Concord. _From this farm_." The words were quiet and firm and everyone knew that the law had been spoken.

"Abby?" Leo's voice broke into her reverie as he walked up behind her.

"He loved this place," she said softly.

"Yes, he did."

Leo stood behind her right shoulder and she could feel him watching her back. Everyone was watching her now – waiting for her to break down.

"Sam and Josh are on their way," he told her quietly, wanting desperately to reach out and touch her. He knew if he did, the thin veil of control that shrouded her actions might disappear and that could not happen. Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today.

"Good. Did you ask them about the church?" She turned now and looked at him, realizing that he had aged ten years in the last week.

Leo nodded, "Josh, Toby, Sam and Charlie will serve as pallbearers at the church. Doug and Scott as well." Doug Westin was Liz's husband and Scott Morgan was Ellie's long time boyfriend. With the exception of Doug, the group would represent the men Jed Bartlet had long considered his own sons.

"Thank you, Leo," Abby said softly, putting her hand on his cheek.

Leo put his hand over hers and the two stood quietly, each lost in their own memories.

xxx

Sam stepped into the old farmhouse and felt Jed Bartlet around him everywhere. He heard the echo of his voice and the sound of his laughter in ever corner and down every hallway. He had yet to come to terms with the death of the man he idolized and wondered how he would get through the task that Abby had asked of him.

"_I want you to perform the eulogy." _She had said. _"He would have wanted it."_

Sam knew his enemies would jump upon this and claim political opportunism. He had mentioned that to Abby Bartlet and she had laughed.

"_Jed would have wanted someone to benefit from this whole media circus. If he could have campaigned for you, he would have. Just think of this as one last campaign stop for him."_

Abby then looked at him somberly, _"Your words have always been like gold, Sam. When Jed gave your speeches, the hairs on my arms would stand up and I would get chills. You wrote for him, Sam. You put his thoughts onto paper. I'm asking that you do it one more time."_

Walking into the library, Sam almost believed he would see Jed Bartlet sitting in the old wingback chair that had been his favorite place in those last few years. On previous visits, Sam had often sat for hours across from that chair as the two played chess. They had been enjoyable visits, and in the most recent months, Abbie had sat with them in a high chair while the two men discussed books and politics. The baby had always been content in the company of the former President and he had always delighted in spoiling her.

Sam was lost in his thoughts and did not hear Toby enter the library behind him.

"Are you okay?"

Sam turned around and looked at the older man with sad, sad eyes.

"Yeah."

Toby rubbed his beard and paced a few steps. "It's good, Senator. It's a good speech."

The two had stayed up the previous night going through draft after draft until they created what they believed to be a suitable tribute to a man who could not be captured in words.

Sighing, Sam walked over to the window. The dignitaries were gathering in the rows of chairs in the pasture and the arrival of the heavy Secret Service detail indicated that President Santos was nearby.

"The President will be here soon," Sam said quietly.

Toby snorted. "It's funny to hear someone else addressed with that title."

Sam turned from the window and gave his friend a sad grin, "I know. I've never gotten used to it."

Studying the carpet in front of him, Toby said softly, "Neither have I."

At that moment, C.J. walked in from the porch. She was dressed in black and her eyes were tired and rimmed in red.

"It's getting close to time."

The two men looked at each other silently. Each knew that this would be the last speech they would prepare for Jed Bartlet. The last time the golden age of the great administration would be invoked in the presence of a man they had loved, loathed and worshipped.

Sam straightened up and took a deep breath. Smiling wanly at his friends, he walked out of the door and onto the porch.

xxx

Josh was wearing his sunglasses even though the day was grey and dreary. He was using them as a shield and he felt that if he were to take them off, the world would see his pain. He had his arm around Donna as he led her to their seats behind the Bartlet family and her grip on him was viselike.

C.J. sat on the other side of Josh and was soon joined by Toby who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. As she glanced over at him, C.J. noticed that his beard had turned greyer in the past few months and the bags under his eyes were heavier. She knew that over the years, Toby and Jed Bartlet had significant differences – personal and political. But she also knew that Toby had admired the President's inner strength and felt that he was truly a great man. Silently reaching over, she took Toby's hand in her own and gave it a squeeze.

Moments later, Abby was escorted to her seat by Leo. The State Department had provided her with a military escort, but she had shunned it for the company of family and friends. She knew that she had to give the public their last glimpse of her husband, but she was damned if it wasn't going to be on her terms.

After a short speech by the Governor of New Hampshire and a few quiet comments by President Santos, Sam stood and made his way to the rostern.

On his left side, President Bartlet's casket stood on a bier, covered in the American flag. Sam stood for a moment studying the coffin and then stepped up to the podium.

"_In our modern world, there is a paucity of times in which we are called upon to drown our inner demons with the songs of our better angels. Fewer and fewer citizens are called upon to pronounce our ideals and join with our brothers, lifting our eyes to the stars and our hearts to a cause. Seldom do we cast off the constraints of fear and worry to rouse ourselves in the battle and to free all men from that which would oppress them. These values we have let slip beneath the waves of arrogance and ignorance, lost amid the world of greed and conceit._

"_However, these are not forgotten dreams, left upon the pages of an old text. These are not the events of history and actions of a bygone era. These are the measures of great men, men of valor, men of courage. _

"_And these were the principles with which Josiah Bartlet led his life and led this country. These were the standards to which he held himself and those around him. _

"_Our battles were often long and wearying. We struggled against our opponents, against each other, and often against ourselves, in our attempts to lift those who could not stand and to right those wrongs that could not be left untended._

"_We were not perfect. He was not perfect. _

"_In the nadir of his life, he stood before the people of this country and showed them weakness. Yet at his weakest, he proved that the humble can have pride, the poor great wealth, and the sick a strength that can topple all who doubt._

"_I served at the pleasure of the President of the United States. I stood before him and handed him my life in payment for the honor of that service. And with my band of brothers, I served a man who sought to better the world for his children and his children's children. For it was with an eye to the future that Josiah Bartlet led this country, knowing that his choices would be the salvation or the ruin of generations._

"_This band of brothers fights other battles now. In the twilight of our days, we shall look back upon the conflicts of our earlier years with an eye tempered by time and a memory soothed by age. But in our reminiscing we shall remember our leader, whose dignity allowed us to raise our heads in defeat and whose grace allowed us to celebrate with humility. _

"_William Shakespeare wrote of the battle at Agincourt,_

_This story shall the good man teach his son;_

_And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by, _

_From this day to the ending of the world,_

_But we in it shall be remember'd;_

_We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;_

_For he to-day that sheds his blood with me_

_Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,_

_This day shall gentle his condition:_

_And gentlemen in England now a-bed _

_Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,_

_And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks_

_That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day._

"_The story I shall tell my children will be that of a great man, a man I considered a father, a brother, a leader and a friend. I will tell them of laughter and tears, of joy and sadness, of celebration and pain. I will tell them that their future was made brighter and better by a man they never got the opportunity to know, but who cared for them, and all the world's children, none-the-less. I will tell them that my brothers and I stood side by side as he made us reach for the stars, knowing we could catch them if only we believed it so._

"_Today we bury Josiah Bartlet. But we do not bury his dream. For each of us can cast our eyes to the heavens and see what he worked to achieve and can look inside of ourselves and believe it so."_

xxx

The ceremony in the church was private. The press was not permitted inside and the only people in attendance were close friends and family. Abby had given America their farewell and this was to be hers.

As she stood beside the grave at the Bartlet family plot, Abby looked at the faces gathered around her. Zoey, Ellie and Liz each stood supported by the men at their sides. Liz had elected to leave the children with Doug's parents fearing the press spectacle would make a difficult situation unbearable. Studying her daughters, Abby tried to pick out Jed's features in each of them, but the tears in her eyes clouded her vision.

Turning her head slightly, she could see Sam and Suzanna standing with their arms around one another. Inwardly, Abby smiled as she though of how fond Jed had been of both of them and their daughter. She knew that Jed had seen Sam's potential long before Sam saw it in himself and she prayed that he had the strength to carry through with the grand plans he had made.

Next to Sam stood Josh and Donna. Abby couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that the two had finally figured out what the rest of them had known all along. She knew that if anyone could keep Josh alive and well, it would be Donna Moss, a woman with an iron spine and a determination that made even Abby stand in awe. Josh had his arm around Donna's shoulders and the blonde had her head resting on his shoulder. They both looked stunned and Abby wasn't certain that they were even aware of the events around them.

Abby glanced to the other side of Suzanna and noticed Toby and C.J. The two seemed to be holding one another up amid the crowd of mourners. Abby saw C.J. reach over and wipe a tear from Toby's cheek and felt her heart constrict. She knew that the younger woman had loved Jed Bartlet like a father and that the loss was deep and painful. She also knew that underneath his austere demeanour, Toby was mourning... perhaps more than most.

Closing her eyes, Abby felt Leo's hand in the small of her back. She opened her eyes, turned her head and smiled at the man at her side. In the weeks leading up to Jed's death, they had each had the opportunity to both say goodbye and to make peace with the inevitable. It did not mean that the pain was lessened in any respect, but it was tempered slightly.

At the end of the priest's words, each mourner was handed a sunflower. It had been Zoey's idea and Abby had been amazed at the difficulty they had in obtaining sunflowers in New Hampshire in April.

"_It's so dark and grey up here, Mom. It'll be like giving him one last piece of the sun."_

Taking the proffered flower, Abby walked up to the coffin and placed her hands upon it. There would be no hysterics. Her goodbye had been years in the making and she knew that her husband was at peace. She leaned down and slowly kissed the lid of the coffin and turned away.

One by one, the family and then friends of the late President left their flower offering on the top of the casket. The yellow petals of the sunflowers were like drops of sunshine in the sea of black. Sam and Suzanna, Josh and Donna, C.J. and Toby. Each laid a sunflower on the lid of the casket and slowly turned away, tears the only conversation.

Climbing into the limousine, Abby felt tired. The struggle that had started years ago in the White House was finally over and the emptiness that was left in its wake was an unknown acquaintance.

She looked at Leo and realized that the older man was quietly sobbing next to her. Quietly taking his hand, Abby closed her eyes and said softly, "By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."

As the limousine left the cemetery, Abby glanced back at the gravesite. Later, she would tell her daughters that all she could see were the sunflowers.


	7. Little Women

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are some characters that just get into your head and refuse to leave. This chapter contains one that I absolutely love and she wouldn't leave me alone from her conception to the point where I wrote this chapter (completely out of order) and another that will follow. If you didn't read _Photographs_, you may want to check it out... this would make more sense.

Special, megawattage shout-outs to **slimwhistler** who read, re-read and helped out on this chapter over and over and over again. This and several other chapters in this and _Photographs_ (and the tying in of the two pieces) would never have been done without her incredibly gracious assistance. I cannot express my gratitude enough.

ALSO... I was supposed to have a couple of other chapters in here, but I haven't been writing much in terms of the longer stories and I thought I would update anyway.

Josh and Donna were sitting in his office at headquarters in Washington going over the press statements for the next day when Maddie stuck her head in and announced a visitor.

"Josh?"

Josh looked up from the papers on his desk, "Yeah?"

"There's a woman here to see you."

"Maddie, I know you have excellent investigative skills. You worked with Donna for how long? What's this woman's name and what does she want?"

Donna, not looking up from the press reports, said, "Maddie, you can tell him to shove the funny."

"Josh, shove the funny," Maddie said with a smile. "She said her name is Natalie Elliott and she didn't say what she was here for... just that she was here to see you."

At the name, Josh and Donna locked eyes. He had told her about Natalie and that night on the Santos campaign and she had not held it against him. But that was before the woman showed up here, in person.

His eyes never leaving Donna's, Josh said quietly, "Show her into the conference room, Maddie."

After Maddie had shut the office door, Josh and Donna continued to study one another. Once he had told her about Natalie, they had never discussed her again. Believing the past should stay in the past, they had worked on keeping to their vow of living in the present and planning for the future.

The tension between them grew until Josh stood up and walked to the door.

"I'm going to go talk with her," he said quietly and then slipped out of the room.

Just before he reached the conference room, Josh felt a hand on his elbow. Turning, he found Donna standing slightly behind him.

"I'm going with you."

Breaking into a relieved smile, Josh put his arm around her waist and the two walked into the lion's den.

XXX

Natalie was sitting at the table coloring in a book, a small brown-haired girl at her side. The two were giggling and digging through a pile of crayons spilled across the far end of the table. When Natalie heard the door open, she looked up nervously. Seeing Josh enter the room, she broke into a wide grin.

Josh remembered that smile. It was infectious and its sheer wattage alone could power all of D.C. for days. The green eyes were still startling and the brown hair was in two braids, one over each shoulder. She looked not a day older than he had seen her last and he couldn't help but smile at her elfish demeanor.

Turning his attention to the little girl with her, he saw something familiar in her face, but he couldn't place it. She had brown eyes and soft brown curls and a firm chin that looked like it could be demanding. She was looking at him and at Donna without an ounce of fear.

"Natalie," Josh said, not knowing if he should walk around the table and shake her hand or give her a hug.

"Josh," Natalie replied smiling, noting his discomfort and staying on her side of the table. "And you must be Donna."

Donna nodded and studied the woman in front of her. There was an openness about her, a freedom that made her seem young and old at the same time. Her smile was genuine and beautiful and against her own will, Donna found herself liking the young woman immediately.

"Who's your friend?" Josh said softly, nodding to the little girl.

"This is Jo," Natalie replied, putting a protective arm around the girl who was now standing on the chair, "my daughter."

Josh gulped audibly, "Your daughter?"

Natalie laughed, a musical, easy sound, "Yes. My daughter."

Indicating that Natalie should sit, Josh sat down in a chair and said softly, "Your daughter."

"Don't see me as the mothering type, Josh?" Natalie smiled slightly and handed a crayon over to Jo.

"It's not that..." _God, she doesn't look old enough to have a daughter._

"I know. My friends who haven't seen me in a while often have that same expression." Natalie looked surreptitiously over at Donna, studying the older woman from underneath of her lashes.

"What are you doing in town?" Donna said, watching the little girl with a puzzled look on her face.

"We did a little sightseeing..."

"We saw Linkum's Mommyment," Jo piped up, "and Washington's too!"

The three adults laughed. "And what else?" Josh asked, lowering his head to his hands on the table so he would be on eye level with the girl.

"The Whitest House where Mommy's old boss lives and the Capitol," Jo said somberly, looking directly at Josh.

"Did you like those places?" Josh asked.

"I liked Linkum's Mommyment the most. Mommy read all the words out to me." Jo was nodding to herself.

"Jo, can you say hello to Mr. Lyman and Ms. Moss?" Natalie said softly to her daughter.

Jo looked up at Josh and Donna with her big brown eyes and said seriously, "It's very nice to meet you."

Josh smiled widely and replied, "It's nice to meet you too, Jo." The little girl turned her attention back to her crayons and coloring book.

"How old is she?" Josh asked, looking at Natalie.

From beside him, Donna's voice said softly, "She's three."

Looking at Natalie, she said quietly, "She's three, isn't she?"

Natalie studied Donna quietly. She didn't want to make a scene. Far from it. But somehow, she knew the blonde in front of her was stronger than she looked. Swallowing nervously and looking from Josh to Donna, she nodded.

"Yes," Natalie replied softly, "She's three."

Josh turned and looked at Donna and then back at Natalie. He swallowed several times and continued to look from one woman to the other. He knew there was something he should be "getting" that the two women understood, but he couldn't figure it out.

_Three years. Three years. Three years..._

Suddenly, a look of realization washed over his face. He quietly got up and walked over to Jo, who was deeply engrossed in her coloring. Squatting down beside her chair, he studied her face as if he was looking for answers.

At her end of the table, Donna had tears in her eyes and one hand was covering her mouth.

"Jo?" Josh asked, looking up at Natalie.

"It's short for Josephine."

Josh looked at her quizzically, "Josephine?"

Donna's strangled voice came from the other end of the room, "_Little Women_. Jo was the heroine in _Little Women_."

Natalie looked up at Donna and smiled slightly, reaching out, in a way, to the woman she knew she must be hurting right now.

"Yes. She was always my favorite."

Josh looked from Jo to Natalie and then back to Jo. "She's...

At that point, Donna jumped up from her chair and ran from the room.

Josh started to stand but Natalie put her hand on his arm, "I'll go."

"Nat..."

"No. Stay here. I'll go. I _have_ to go." Natalie and Josh stood, facing one another, knowing that this moment would echo over the rest of their lives. Natalie quickly walked across the room and exited through the door.

XXX

Outside, on the sidewalk, Donna was walking, but the tears in her eyes were clouding her vision and she had no idea where she was going. At first, she had been unable to put her finger on what seemed so familiar about the little girl, but as she watched Josh talk to Jo, she realized that they were mirror images of one another.

_That's Josh's daughter._

Natalie had brought Jo to Washington because the little girl was Josh Lyman's daughter.

_Not now. Please, God, not now._

"Donna!"

She heard the voice behind her but didn't stop.

"Donna! Stop!"

Suddenly, there was a hand on her arm and when she jerked herself away, she turned to find Natalie standing in front of her.

"Donna, _don't_."

Sobbing now, Donna could barely breathe. This woman had given Josh the one thing she couldn't give him. Not now, not yet. There was too much to do before that could happen.

"Why?" Donna sobbed, studying the brunette and wishing she wasn't so genuine, so likable. If she wasn't so kind, she could hate her.

"Because he needs to know. She needs to know. And you need to know." Natalie said the words softly, shifting her weight from side to side and sending Donna imploring glances.

"Why now? Why not three years ago when she was born?" The tears were running down her face and Donna could do nothing to stop them.

"Because I wasn't ready then. I'm not sure he was ready then," Natalie looked at the blonde and wished she could wipe the tears away and, at the same time, feeling the tears rise in her own eyes, "I was alone and pregnant and I didn't want to screw up his life."

Donna snickered, "And now is a _good_ time?"

"I don't know. I just wanted him to know about her. To give him the chance, if he wanted it," Natalie looked at her hands and then back up into Donna's eyes. She was nervous and shaking and wanted desperately to run back into that room, snatch up her daughter and fly back to Philadelphia. "I don't want anything from you. Either of you. I'm not asking for money, I'm not threatening to go to the press, I'm not asking you to take her. And I'm certainly not here to take _him_."

Donna's eyes got wide. She hadn't even considered that... not until now.

"You don't know what he was like on the campaign trail, Donna," Natalie said urgently, "He was robotic. It was all politics and politics only. He didn't eat, he rarely slept and if he laughed, I never saw it."

Donna shook her head and turned her back to the other woman. She knew what Natalie was saying was true because she had seen it those times she had seen him on the campaign. She wanted to hate this woman, but she couldn't because this woman had been kind to Josh when he needed kindness and for that, Donna was eternally grateful.

"The night we were together, he told me about you. He told me all of it. And when he was done, he cried. He _cried_, Donna." Natalie's voice was soft and Donna had to strain to hear it, "I told him to go to you. I told him that without you he was half a man."

Turning around to face the other woman, Donna smiled, "You told him that?"

"Yes," Natalie nodded reassuringly. "The other thing I told him was that there were no strings between us. No strings and no regrets. It stands still. No strings, Donna. If you both don't want to get involved with Jo, I'll understand. We'll go back to our lives as they were before. But I had to give him the chance. I had to give you the chance."

Studying Natalie, Donna knew that the other woman was being truthful. There was no duplicity, just an honesty that was rare and heartwarming.

"Donna, please," Natalie said imploringly, "Come back inside. Come talk to Jo. I think you'll like her once you get to know her."

Donna hesitated and then started walking back toward headquarters.

_I want to hate her so badly, but I can't._

"She's beautiful," Donna said quietly, falling into step beside Natalie.

"She's a handful," Natalie said laughing softly.

"Then she's definitely a Lyman," Donna remarked as blue eyes and green eyes met in mutual understanding. They might not yet be friends, but they weren't enemies.

XXX

While Donna and Natalie were gone, Josh had taken the seat next to Jo and colored with her while he asked her about her school, her daily life and other things that were burning in his mind.

After a few moments, he saw her begin to yawn and a moment later, she was curled up in his lap and he was reading a story book he found in Natalie's napsack. The soft hair under his chin and the quiet breathing gave him a feeling inside he had never experienced before.

Once he realized that Jo had fallen asleep, he closed the book and sat quietly with her on his lap.

The conference room door opened and Sam walked in, stopping short when he saw Josh and Jo in the chair.

"I'm sorry," Sam sputtered.

"Shhhhhh," Josh said quietly, "she's sleeping."

"I can see that," Sam whispered. "Who is she?"

Josh broke into a wide grin and looked at his best friend, "Her name is Josephine. She's my daughter."

XXX

Donna and Natalie walked into the conference room to find Josh and Sam in quiet conversation and Jo asleep on Josh's lap.

"Oh, Josh! I'm sorry!" Natalie said, walking over to collect her daughter.

"It's ok," Josh said, waving her away. "Let her be for a little while."

Looking up at Donna, Josh raised his eyebrow in that secret code they had developed. Donna smiled and shrugged slightly, mouthing "It's okay." Josh signed deeply and settled further back in his chair.

"I'm sorry, I should introduce myself," Sam said standing and offering his hand to Natalie, "I'm Sam Seaborn."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Senator," Natalie said smiling, "I'm sorry we have disrupted your headquarters."

Sam smiled and looked down at the sleeping Jo, "Absolutely not a problem. Now, I need to get back to my office." Nodding to everyone, he disappeared out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Natalie stood and studied her daughter and Josh for a moment.

"I know she has your eyes, but I have spent whole days trying to figure out what else, aside from her temper and stubbornness, is yours."

Josh raised both eyebrows, "Stubborn?"

"Don't even try it, Joshua," Donna said laughing softly.

Josh shifted in his seat and looked down at his daughter. Softly tracing her jawline with his hand, he said, "This is from my father. He had a jaw like this."

Reaching up to touch a curl, he said, "And her hair..."

"It's your mother's," Donna said quietly, moving over to kneel next to the chair. Josh down at her and smiled.

"Yes, it is. Joanie had the same hair."

Natalie was smiling as she watched Josh and Donna with her daughter. She knew that Jo would be spending a great deal of time with this family and would be treated as one of their own.

Josh looked up at Natalie, "Have you stopped running?"

Laughing softly, Natalie perched on the edge of the conference room table. "Kind of... I'm based out of Philadelphia, but still do a lot of traveling. I work with an education consortium and go around the country trying to get inner city kids interested in colleges and public service. Jo goes with me when she can."

"So my daughter is well traveled?" Josh asked looking down at the brown ringlets.

"Very. We just got back from San Francisco last week and head out to Chicago next week."

Josh nodded and looked over at Donna who was intently watching the little girl sleep.

"Natalie..."

"Josh, I told Donna already, I don't want anything. I just wanted you to know her and for her to know you. That's all. Nothing more."

Brown eyes met green eyes and the two knew that there were no regrets from that night in Philadelphia. Not now. Not when the product of that night was sleeping on her father's lap.

"Can we..." Donna started.

"Anytime," Natalie answered, her smile lighting up the room, the relief was palpable. "Absolutely anytime, Donna."

Donna smiled, "When this campaign is over..."

"We're going to have a houseguest," Josh continued.

"A houseguest who is going to be exceptionally cranky if I don't get her on the train and back home soon," Natalie said apologetically.

"We could get you a room in the city," Donna said quickly.

"I think we've all had a lot of excitement and you guys need some time," Natalie said softly, looking at both of them. "We'll be there when you call, so don't worry. I'll give your secretary all of my information on my way out."

Josh looked down at the sleeping girl in his lap and felt a wave of warmth crawl up from his feet.

_My daughter._

Kissing the top of Jo's head, he collected her in his arms, stood up, and handed her over to Natalie who had grabbed her napsack and loaded it with the crayons and books.

"Are you sure you don't..." Josh began.

"No." Natalie said firmly. "We're fine. We just want your time, both of you, when you have it. Nothing more."

Donna slid her arm around Josh's waist and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"You'll have it," she said quietly.

Natalie smiled and turned to walk out of the door. With her hand on the knob, she turned to them and said softly.

"Remember, no regrets."

XXX

Once Natalie had left, Josh and Donna faced one another in the conference room.

"I need to go for a walk," Donna said quietly.

"Donna..."

"No, Josh. I just need some fresh air. I won't be long, but I need to be alone for a little bit." Donna looked up at him, her eyes veiled.

"Are you okay?" Josh reached out and touched her arm.

"I think so. I just want to go somewhere to think for a few minutes."

Turning away, Donna walked out of the conference room and Josh heard her steps disappear down the hallway.

Josh sat with his head in his hands at the table. The thoughts going through his head jumbled against one another until he couldn't see where one began and the other ended. The questions piled up until he was afraid he would never live to see the answers to all of them.

His reverie was interrupted when CJ and Toby entered the conference room and shut the door. He could tell CJ was angry by the way she held her body and clenched her jaw. Toby wouldn't meet his eye and stood, a few steps away from CJ, rocking back and forth on his heels and studying his shoes.

"Josh?" CJ said quietly.

Looking at her, Josh knew he was in no mood for whatever it was she wanted to discuss, "CJ, now is really not..."

"Is there something you want to tell us, Josh?" Toby said quietly, not looking up from his loafers.

"What?"

"Don't be stupid, Josh," CJ replied, the anger slowly creeping into her voice. "This is your one shot. Do you want to tell us?"

Sighing heavily, Josh studied his hands spread out on the table in front of him. He would not give in on this.

"CJ, stop talking in riddles and tell me..."

Reaching over and whipping his chair around, CJ let loose.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Joshua!" she blasted. "Oh, wait. That's right, you weren't thinking, were you? Or if you were, it wasn't with your head!"

Josh's mouth dropped open as CJ worked herself into a rage.

"I can't believe you. I.Cannot.Believe.You. Are you singlehandedly trying to ruin this entire fucking campaign? Are you? Do you hate us? Is there something we did?"

Josh looked at Toby, trying to force him to say something, "Is there a reason why she's screaming at me?"

"A reason? A fucking reason? How about the headline of the Washington Fucking Post which will read, I'm sure, _Seaborn Campaign Manager Has Illegitimate Child_? Or better yet, _Baby in the Closet: Seaborn's Aides Show Campaign Morals_?"

"Hold on, CJ..."

"No, _you_ hold on! I'm still your first fucking call, Josh. And I don't remember getting a call about this one!"

"I just found out about her!" Josh was now standing and he felt his temper surging out of control. "How the fuck did you find out?"

"Sam told us," Toby said quietly.

"He had no right," Josh said through his teeth.

"No right? Josh! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to us once this gets into the papers? No right!" CJ was pacing back and forth waving her arms. "We will be handing Childerson a fucking clean sweep with this!"

"It won't be in the papers, CJ," Josh said looking down at his shoes.

"No? Can you promise us that, Josh? Your one night stand, who just so happened to be a part of a political campaign and ISN'T JUST OFF THE FUCKING FARM, won't realize she's sitting on a pot of political gold! Tell me another funny one." CJ snorted, challenging Josh across the conference room table.

Looking at Toby, Josh said quietly, "And what do you have to say?"

"I think we have a problem," Toby said, rubbing his beard. "It doesn't look good."

Josh threw his head back and laughed, "_Oh, that's just rich_. You, father of two children out of wedlock with a GODDAMNED CONGRESSWOMAN think this is a problem?"

Violently shoving one of the chairs into the table, Josh leaned forward, put his hands on the back and looked back and forth between CJ and Toby.

"Let me tell you something. First of all, Natalie is not going to the press. And second, _my daughter is off-limits_. Period."

"Josh..." CJ's tone was softer now, "You can't be sure. How well do you know her?"

"He can be sure," Donna said firmly from the doorway.

All three heads whipped around.

"Donna..." C.J. began.

"No, CJ. Natalie will not go to the press. And if Josh wants to go to the press, it's his decision. His and Natalie's. Not ours and not the campaign's. If the press gets ahold of it, we'll deal with it, but otherwise, it is a non-issue."

Toby opened his mouth to speak, but Donna turned to him and pointed, "A _non-issue_, Toby."

C.J. looked from Josh to Donna and then over to Toby. Sighing heavily, she walked out of the conference room. Toby studied Josh for a moment and then followed her out.

"You ok?" Donna said quietly from the doorway.

Leaning his head on his hands, Josh studied his feet. "Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

Josh looked up at her. "Interesting day, isn't it?"

Donna rolled her eyes and cracked a small smile, "You always were Captain Obvious, weren't you, Joshua?"

XXX

A week later, Josh and Donna received a package in the mail. When they opened it, they found a note from Natalie, explaining that she and Jo would be in Chicago for a few days, but would call to check in, and a photo album.

That night, over a bottle of wine, Josh and Donna went through the album to find pictures of Jo, from birth to her very latest trip to San Francisco, labeled in Natalie's flowery script. Birthday parties, holidays, trips to the zoo... everything was included. They laughed over two-year old Jo with icing in her hair and a three year old Jo petting a pony at the zoo.

"Josh, she's beautiful," Donna said softly, studying a page of photographs.

"She is, isn't she?" he said proudly.

"Natalie said something that day in the office. She said 'no regrets'. Do you have any?"

Josh looked up at Donna and studied her face. There were regrets, but not here.

"I regret that it hurt you. I regret that it caused you pain. But I don't regret that it happened. How could I when I see the result?" He pointed to a picture of Natalie on the grass in a park, sitting in the sunshine.

"You can't," Donna said softly, "And if you did, you wouldn't be the man I love."


End file.
